Living with your ex AND your new partner. Why being “normal” is limiting your possibilities BIG TIME

I never truly felt that I fitted in anywhere. Most of my clients recognize that feeling.
And believe me: I tried REALLY hard to “fit in.” But I never could make that work.
I now know this is a sign of leadership. It just means you are not a follower, but a leader.
And you will become that leader if you embrace all your unique talents, abilities, characteristics, beliefs and desires. Or, how I also like to call it sometimes: your weirdness.
EVERY time I embrace my weirdness more, life becomes better and better and more possibilities become available to me.
And that’s not that strange. Because I always say: truth is the highest vibration. So if you are able to FULLY stand in YOUR truth, no matter what other people will think about it, you liberate yourself. And that is the best feeling ever.

So, my latest “weirdness” is how Bob and I handle our separation and the choices we make.
When Mr. Big Love and I started talking about spending our lives together, he said a couple of times that he wanted us to move in together quickly. I was ALL for that. But I DID, however, worry a little bit about the financial aspect of it. I have a hard time paying the bills as it is, with all the changes I made in the business and the business model and thinking about paying extra for rent and what not really didn’t make me happy.
Bob also wasn’t TOO thrilled about living by himself. He enjoys other peoples company just TOO much.
So, he said to me, after we spoke a couple of times about how we would handle it all, and couldn’t really see a short term solution. “Why not just share this house with him and me and the kids?”
I thought this was a little bit weird and I also didn’t trust he was doing it for the right reason. I thought he might be trying to hold on to me.
I also didn’t want him to limit himself.
So I brushed it off.

But a week later he started talking about it again.
This time we talked a little bit more about it.
We were already in a really good place with the new situation. Bob seemed to have totally accepted it and even grew because of it.
I still thought it would be kind of weird. It’s just not something people DO.

And because Mr. Big Love was out of the picture, it wasn’t really something we had to decide on NOW.

But I DID had to make another decision.
Because I AM feeling called to align with my twin flame. If that is still IS Mr. Big Love or someone else, isn’t even relevant in that decision. I just FEEL in my Soul that I am on this journey for a reason.
So I asked myself the question: “Is Bob and I living in the same house an obstacle to manifesting my true love?”
I also had to quit my job first to step into my purpose fully, so maybe this was the same thing? Perhaps I needed to make space first.

But I felt: No, it’s not an obstacle.
If I can be with Bob in one house for as long as possible, then I would choose to do that. If I can give that to my daughter, I want nothing more then that.
And if my true love doesn’t GET that, then it’s just NOT my true love.

But I STILL had some judgments around it. I don’t know how it is for you, but I don’t know anyone who has made that decision.
Well…. KNEW…. haha.
Because the FUNNIEST thing happened, and of course, this is NO coincidence. It’s just the Universe guiding me.
I was in the car with my friend Sandra. I hadn’t shared with her that Bob and I had had that conversation. She didn’t KNOW anything about that. But all of a sudden she started sharing a story about a client of hers that lives together with her ex-husband, their 7-year-old daughter, and her NEW partner and their baby.
I was instantly intrigued.
I asked Sandra if she could get me into contact with these people and she did, and I visited them on Sunday afternoon.

We had an amazing conversation.
I spoke to her and her new partner. Her ex-partner was taking the baby out for a walk.
Her daughter stayed with us during the whole conversation.
I LOVED it that she was there. Bob and I also tend to always be as open and honest as possible with Amy. Children just FEEL it if you are not being honest or are not telling the whole truth.
And because they KNOW something is going on, but they don’t know exactly what is going on, they tend to think it has something to do with them.
I experienced this a LOT growing up. I always felt everything, and because grown-ups weren’t really honest, I tended to blame myself. Most sensitive children are working REALLY hard to take away their parents pain.
Of course that never works and they diminish their own power as a result of it. They take that pain on as their own pain.
Children are Master fixers, but they lack the tools and the knowledge to do so. AND it’s also not their TASK 🙂
That’s why, as parents, it’s super important to heal your blocks and be the BEST example for your children and live your personal truth. Your feelings and thoughts have to be aligned with your actions.

We also talked about what the effects of their choices were on their daughter. But they say she never had a problem with it. She is just happy that she has so much love surrounding her AND that she has a baby brother.

They DID come across some judgments, but the more they got comfortable with the situation, the less other people reacted negatively.
It’s SO funny because we have this story around what has to happen if you break up as a couple. We find it all SO normal that people fight with each other and are resentful towards each other, and feel miserable, but creating a LOVING environment for ALL parties, THAT we judge. People are funny.
Bob also got some remarks from his friends at the soccer club. They just COULDN’T believe that Bob was ok with the separation. They said: “Just wait. The crash will come.” But it didn’t, and it still isn’t there. Now they start to see and believe that he really IS ok with it.
But it baffles people.
WHY are you not more upset?
HOW can you still live in the same house?
HOW can you be ok by the other having other relationships?

So these are the tips I got out of the conversation and how Bob and I are making this work.

1. Let go of expectations to make the other person happy.

She also said that as SOON as she stopped expecting herself to make her ex happy and to form the relationship into something it would NEVER become, there was SO much space.
The relationship instantly got better.
And then they could look at: but what DO we want?
How CAN we be the biggest contribution to each other?
How can we STILL support each other, even though we are not lovers anymore and the relationship has changed?
And I have the same experience with Bob.

2. Communication is key.

To make a relationship work, you have to talk — a LOT.
And because there are multiple relationship dynamics here, you have to talk even more.
They have family meetings and agreements on everything.
Everyone is an equal part of the family.
You have to be respectful toward each other, REALLY listen to each other and have love for each other.

They also said that, from a practical aspect, it also worked really well. When they where still dating, it was easy because the ex just watched over their daughter.
Also with ALL the other stuff that needs to be done, it’s easier, because there are more people to do chores and stuff.
And also financially it’s easier. The 2 men bought their new house together, and everyone has space for hobbies and to work on their passion, because there is less financial pressure to have to support more households.
You just have a bigger support system.

3. Be willing to grow and learn.

You can’t make this work when you let Ego rule your life.
You HAVE to get passed emotions like jealousy, possessiveness, neediness and what not.
You have to minimize the drama.
There is ONE thing that is most important, and that is to provide the most loving environment for the children.
I know for most people this won’t work.
There are a LOT of people that “stay together” for the children. We also talked about that. But you know what? Children feel it anyway. And this is the message you give them: “It’s OK to sacrifice your happiness for other people.”
My mother did this too. A LOT. I am STILL unlearning this.
I think it was really painful for my mother to see me go through abusive relationships when I was younger. And I am NOT saying it was her fault (I love you mom when you are reading this!) In her generation it was just how it was supposed to be: Once you are married, you stay together, no matter what. You just DON’T leave the other person.

This is what I want to teach my daughter:
YOU are the one who decides who you have a relationship with (and with who you don’t!)
Your relationships should be deeply fulfilling, for BOTH of you.
NO one should ever intimidate you or force you into sex or making a commitment or whatever.
Your partners and your friends are people you choose to spend time with, so there should be a LOT of love there.
And if a relationship is hurting you in any way: just leave.

And if I will ever have another baby and it’s a boy, I will teach him the same thing. AND I would also teach him about how to treat girls AND stay connected to his own masculinity. Because I also see a LOT of women really emasculate men and that’s not a good thing EITHER. I did that too, and It’s NOT ok. It comes from a deep woundedness inside of women, and that needs to be healed. But putting men down is NOT the way to do that.

4. Make decisions from love instead of fear.

What we also talked about is that they ask themselves, when they encounter problems: “What would love do?”
I LOVE this.
You can either choose to act from a place of fear OR from a place of love. Those are the ONLY choices.
Sometimes you THINK you choose love, but you are actually choosing fear. But we ALL know the difference.

5. Make different decisions if it’s not working anymore.

I also asked them what they would do if the ex-partner got a serious relationship. They said: “At this point, it would feel more logical if she would move in here.”
BUT if it’s not working anymore, you can always make a different choice.
So you have to re-evaluate constantly and course correct when necessary.
That’s also what Bob and I always said in the relationship: “If this relationship isn’t the biggest contribution to us anymore, we make a different choice.” And now we have.

So I LOVE this story.
I love the choices they made.
I DON’T find it strange anymore now because I just saw how happy they all were. I find it the most loving decision they can make. It opens up MORE possibilities.
I was always someone who was a little more to myself, but now my heart is more open, I also notice that I like being around other people more and more.
Bob never had a problem with Mr. Big Love. He really liked him. He DID however had a problem with Mr. Hunky haha.
But I said to Bob: “Well, I guess that’s normal. Because you and I are Soulmates. And if Mr. Big Love and I ARE indeed Twin Souls, he is from the same Soulfamily as well. So you are connected too. Mr. Hunky is “just” a stranger haha.”
But anyway, as I shared before, I already ended the contact with him.
I AM manifesting my TRUE love. I know what I want.
And now, he has to be entirely ok with Bob still being in my life and house full-time, maybe even be open for living together as a sort of “community-thing.”
But only time will tell how this turns out to be.

I hope this story inspires you to think outside the box a little bit. If not in this area, then in other areas of your life and business.
There is SO much more possible then you can see if you stay open, move past judgment and ask for Divine Guidance.
The Universe will always show you the way!

I am SUPER curious to out-of-the-box choices YOU made that made you leave some resistance behind. Please share it with me!

Love, Maartje

PS: Next week I am hosting a FREE training on Manifestation in English AND in Dutch on the topic: “How to magnetically pull in everything and everyone you desire.”

Manifesting is ALL about energy and becoming MAGNETIC.
Let go of working hard!
Let go of DOING a LOT and never really getting where you want to be.
It’s about connection and surrender!

In this free training, I am going to teach you ALL about 5D manifesting.
It’s going to be AMAZING.

This training WILL be recorded en you WILL receive the replay after signing up, but I am going to share something REALLY special if you are there live, so DON’t miss it!

You can sign up for the English training HERE (Wednesday, February 20th 8 PM Amsterdam time CET)

You can sign up to attend this training in Dutch HERE. (Tuesday, February 19th 8 PM Amsterdam time CET)

PS 2: In the meantime, have you already gone through THE FREE Ultimate Manifesting program? You can get access HERE.

Love, Maartje

2019-02-11T20:42:30+00:00February 11th, 2019|Relationships, Self Love, Soulmate|

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