So I think we can ALL agree on this: Sometimes life just SUCKS. BIG TIME. Not even a little bit. No BIG time.
I was shopping with my mother on Sunday, and she said something to me like: “I hope you are going to be able to keep paying the bills after you and Bob are separated.”
And I got really mad that she brought that up.
I said: “Well, this isn’t helping, mom. Yes, I hope that too. But worrying about it isn’t going to help me. There is only one thing that is going to help me, and that is: keep doing the work. If I want to make this work, I’d rather invest my time and energy in working, then worrying and talking about it.”
I instantly notice that being mad at her, meant something. She means well. I KNOW it.
I was rambling on to her:
“You know, I think I am doing SO well. Last year, when we changed the business, and I lost a lot of clients and money. And then with daddy in the hospital and the rehabilitation center and then with the move, my separation, meeting the love of my life and him leaving me again and me being heartbroken. I think most people would have fallen over and would have landed in a depression, but I am STILL here. Doing the business, USING it all to grow and learn and helping other people with it and making it work. So I think I have the right to be really proud of myself and the only thing to get through this too is just KEEP GOING. Worrying is not going to bring me ANYTHING.”
It sounds good, yes? But I felt my anger.
Obviously, it wasn’t her I was mad about. Yes, at that moment I was, but she was just a catalyst. She just touched something that was inside of ME.
So I asked myself: “What am I even mad about right now?”
And suddenly I felt: I was REALLY mad at God. Mad for putting me through SO much this year. And it’s STILL not ending. Him STILL wanting me to go through MORE stuff. Feeling unconditional love for the FIRST time in my life and him taking it away from me again.
So I instantly shared it with my mom. I thanked her for giving me this insight. I gave her a kiss on her cheek. She smiled again. I also didn’t want to be mad at her. It’s not her fault what I feel or don’t feel.
This took about 10 minutes.
And I thought: I will write about it later to get through it. But I didn’t let it affect my day anymore. I parked it. Because I can be miserable ALL day long and make everyone around me feel miserable too. But what good is that going to do me (and them?)
And yesterday morning I did a TON of internal work. I shared it all in my Dutch program (Het Ultieme geld & business manifestation programma) People got a LOT out of it!
A couple of days ago I read an amazing book about the twin flame journey, and they also shared that your connection with God has to come number one, your relationship with yourself second and the connection with the physical third.
The problem is, I did it the other way around most of the time, and I think most people do. Sure, my clients do the inner work. But most of the time it’s still limited to what goes on in their mind. Creating a relationship with God is on a WHOLE different level.
And before you think I got all religious all of a sudden, I am not. I STILL have a modern and spiritual outlook on this. I don’t see God as a being, but rather as a state of being, the source of all creation.
But it IS an energy form, and we CAN talk to it. And thus we CAN form a relationship with him. We CAN form a relationship with the source of all creation, OUR Source.
Since I have been doing this, I see SO many more instant manifestations in my life. It’s SO funny.
Friday I was talking to one of my friends on the phone, and we talked about another friend of ours. I said: “I think I hadn’t been totally honest with her in the past about something, I think I am going to apologize to her.” And an hour later she sent me a text message haha. So we called, we talked, and I apologized, and she really appreciated it.
This weekend I was doing some soulsearching around the whole relationship and break up thing. My heart is still with him. I also notice that I really have no interest in other men. I can’t even imagine right now that I will ever feel the same for anyone.
But yesterday I was ready to move on. I thought: “Ok, I am just DONE with this whole twin flame thing. I am making it ALL up. It’s all just a ly I tell myself, but it’s not bringing me ANYTHING. WHY am I doing this to myself?”
It was shortly after I instantly manifested myself a REALLY hot and handsome man. I thought to myself: “Ok, I am not interested in other men. I can’t even bother to invest my time and my energy in them, but if someone comes along who is REALLY hot and handsome and TALL (I LOVE tall men) that maybe WOULD be kind of fun. NOT for a relationship, but JUST for fun.” And a 12 hours later I got a message from a REALLY tall and handsome man. We chatted for a couple of hours off and on, and it was really fun. Nice instant manifestation right?
Then I spoke to one of my girlfriends during my evening walk, and I said to her: “You know, the theory with this whole twin flame thing is: that If I do the inner work and I clean up, what I have to clean up, that he comes back. He HAS to do that because he is my mirror self and he HAS to respond to the self-love I feel. But I don’t know what else to clean up. I am feeling SO happy and whole. My heart is SO open. I figure it’s just NOT him and I have to move on.” At that moment she got terrible hiccups. She said: “Why am I all of a sudden getting this? What does that mean?” I said: “maybe there is a hickup in my theory?” She said: “I don’t know. I can’t connect with it yet.” But then she said: “No, I don’t feel it’s a hiccup in your theory, maybe just in the conclusion: that he’s not the one. Maybe there is still some stuff you need to clean up before he can come back to you.” And at that moment her hick up stopped. Funny right?
And when I came back from my walk, another friend sent me a text message in response to the inner work I did and shared in my Facebook group. I didn’t ASK her anything, she just, for some reason shared it with me. She shared: “Maartje, I think he is coming back. I don’t know WHY I feel this, and I don’t know when and how, but it’s just a deep inner knowing.”
So, that was the second sign in an hour that God told me NOT to move on yet. To dig a little bit deeper.
And now I am writing this blog, and suddenly seeing where I can go a layer deeper. I hadn’t planned about writing this blog this way. It just came out this way.
The blog was going to be about a couple of people in my life who had a small problem, making it into something BIG and I wanted to let them see what they could do about it. But suddenly the blog is about this deep disappointment we sometimes have towards life (and for me towards God.)
And again, I am going to share this open and honestly because I notice that I am helping a LOT of people if I just lay it all out on the table. It frees people to be themselves, and it shows them we all have the same shit to deal with and of course, HOW to DEAL with the shit and not get stuck in it and float away in a SEA of shit 😉
I know for me, to be able to form a relationship with God, I have to trust him. And trust myself and life and everyone around me. That’s the basics of a relationship right? Trust.
I have to start trusting that God isn’t putting me “through” things and not TAKING anything from me, but this IS, in fact, the shortest route to getting where I want to be. And right now my focus is on making money and manifesting the love of my life.
So for you that could be different things, but on the other hand: we ALL want money and love, and even if we HAVE it, there is still always this next level and the next desire.
And after I wrote this down, I had a session with my coach. I talked to her about this, and we did an amazing healing exercise, and after we were done, I meditated some more myself and God showed me EXACTLY what that next level is. It was suddenly ALL so clear for me why I felled this anger towards what “happened” to me AND also how I can fix it.
AND …. of course, I am going to share it ALL with you, but I’ll save it for the next blog because I feel I have a LOT to share about this and this blog is already long enough.
Please let me know, if you read this blog: is it relatable? Do you have a connection with God? Is it easy for you to just trust God? Or are you living in fear?
Or anything else that comes up. I LOVE to hear it from you!
PS: I am launching my next program: Soul Connection, Healing, and Alignment Program for amazing energetic shifts and powerful creations. We start in 2 days!
The Magic ALWAYS happens at a Soul Level.
That is basically what Alignment is: it’s aligning the thoughts and feelings of the human you to your REAL you: your Soul (Or Divine self, source, God, or how you want to call it.)
And when your thoughts, feelings, and energy is Soul Aligned, WOW ….. magic happens…..
Well, you can see it: It brings you instant manifestations: gorgeous men, amazing conversations and friends who reach out to you when you want to share something with them AND anything else that you only have to THINK about.
It’s ALL about going deeper and deeper into that next level, and the results will be even MORE magical.
So check the program out HERE.
We start Thursday and prices will double as soon as we start.