Haha, it sounds so heavy when I write it down like that: anger towards God. I think most people can’t even imagine me being angry haha.
I am happy, open and cheerful most of the time. But you know what? I have SUCH big dreams and goals for myself and my life. And the bigger your goals and dreams are, the less resistance you can use in your life.
The bigger your purpose is, the more you need to work on letting go of everything and everyone that isn’t the biggest contribution to you, your dreams and your life.
Because if you don’t do that, you can just kiss your big goals and dreams goodbye.
There are no vacuums in the Universe. Space always fills itself. So if I fill my space (my energy field and my life) with negativity, guilt, judgments, anger, resentment, people who only WANT stuff from me and dragging me down or just people, stuff or desires that aren’t 100% soul aligned, it takes away from what I DO want to create and experience in my life:
Big Love, Magic, people who support me 100% and who are always having my back, supporting me and bringing me to that next level, freedom, joy, following the path of my highest excitement and so on. You know, just ALL the yumminess.
So I have been going deep in an inner detox these last couple of days.
I hardly released one level and a next, even deeper level, revealed itself to me.
I was on the phone with my coach, and I was talking about the blog I shared before this blog.
Talking about the disappointment I feel, somewhere deep down inside, that life sometimes seems to let me down. And my anger towards God and my disappointment in him.
When I talked about it, I felt the pain around my heart come up again. Spreading out into my left arm.
I instantly felt a panic coming up. When that pain comes, I always am scared that it might end up getting a heart attack or something.
But I didn’t push the pain away or breath through it or change my thoughts like I usually would do. I just sat with it. I let it just be there while she and I talked a little bit about what could be behind it and what the core of the problem was: me just not trusting God and life and wanting to control and micromanage everything.
She did a healing/visualization, and that already shifted some things. But it wasn’t all gone at the end of our coach call. So I said to her: I am just going to lay here for a little while longer (I was laying on my bed when we talked on the phone.)
And I start talking to God. Asking him to guide me through the pain.
I STILL tried to control the excise. Asking him to take the heavy feeling out of my heart. To just take out the congested energy.
I was guided to think about a couple of situations that caused me pain.
And I wanted him to take the pain out of my heart.
And then I clearly heard:
“No, don’t take it out, but SURRENDER to it.”
I didn’t get it at first. I am so used to walking away from painful situations or “dealing” with them.
“Just surrender to it.” I heard again.
So I did.
With everything that came up, every person and every situation I thought of, I surrendered.
It was like God was IN my heart he WAS my heart, and we were one, and instead of pushing the situation and people out of my life or awareness, I surrendered them INTO my heart.
I surrendered to ALL the past relationships that hurt me and that I could think of.
I surrendered to the pervert that touched my breast when I was just a little girl.
I surrendered to my parents.
I surrendered to everything that happened to me last year.
I surrendered to the possibility that my Big Love might never come back.
I surrendered to my desire of him being happy, even though it isn’t with me.
I surrendered to my desire to HAVE a relationship with the love of my life.
I surrendered to the desire to make more money and the responsibilities I sometimes feel around that.
I surrendered to labeling something as good or bad.
I surrendered to the pain I felt in my heart.
I surrendered to my fears.
I surrendered to my anger.
I surrendered my addictions.
I surrendered to my desires.
I surrendered to all of my “problems.”
I surrendered to everything I could think of that I in some way still had feelings around, whether that being positive or negative feelings.
I surrendered ALL my expectations around when stuff has to come in my life and in what time it has to arrive.
I surrendered to all the ways I wanted God to bring me my desires.
I surrendered to my need to control everything.
And most important of all: I surrendered to God and saw God as being ONE with me.
I suddenly saw that NOTHING in my life was an “accident.”
Nothing in my life happened because I did something “wrong” or because I didn’t deserve it or something.
I suddenly saw how perfectly orchestrated everything really was.
And there it was:
SO much space, unconditional love, and TOTAL and FULL surrender to EVERY F*ING THING, that has ever happened to me and is going on right now.
Suddenly I saw how hard I have been working to “making” things happen and how it can become a 1000 times easier from now on.
ALL I will ever have to do in my life is just SURRENDER it all and KEEP creating FROM that place of surrender.
See that I AM God and that I can just magnetically pull in anything and everything I desire.
It felt REALLY free.
You can imagine that I had an amazing day after that.
I did some work. Created some stuff, answered some emails.
And chatted a little bit more with Mr. Hunky man.
Suddenly the conversation became a little bit more intimate, and I felt he was coming on to me.
And there it was again: My first “survival” impulse: RUN AWAY. PULL BACK.
It’s not safe.
You don’t know what will happen here.
He might have bad intentions.
You might get HURT.
And I suddenly also saw that I did that continuously in my WHOLE life.
When things get scary.
When I have the feeling I can’t control things.
When I encounter a difficult situation.
When I feel someone wants something from me.
When I feel people getting close.
When I am afraid that I might hurt other people.
When I am afraid to say no to other people.
When I feel that stuff overwhelms or confuses me….
I pull back. I distance myself from the situation.
I push people out of my life.
Or I try to “reframe” it so I can “handle” it.
I go in “survival” mode. Convincing myself, it’s ok when it’s really NOT.
Surrender is ONLY something I do when it already feels safe.
And ok, maybe I am already running away and pulling back a LOT less than other people. But like I already shared: I don’t have “normal people” dreams.
I have BIG dreams.
I want to make LOTS of money.
I want to impact my own life and the lives of a LOT of people deeply and profoundly.
I not only want to DREAM big but also want to LIVE BIG.
For most people, they HAVE dreams, but they don’t really LIVE them. I DON’T want to be one of these people.
And of course, I want the BIG love.
And I KNOW that Mr. Hunkey is NOT that BIG love. I have a lovelist, and he is just not it. But I did feel that it wasn’t an “accident” that our paths crossed and that there was “something” there for me to learn.
So, not entirely coincidentally he asked me if I was submissive in relationships. Well, that’s not the word he used, but we chatted in Dutch, so I think that is the translation.
So I said: “No, Actually I am quite dominant. Not just in relationships, but in life in general. And dominant not really being the correct word. it’s more that I am controlling.”
And that is just it: I always wanted to be in total control of any relationship and situation. Because if I am NOT in control, I just get scared.
At that moment I am unable to oversee what might happen to me, and that was always the scariest thing for me.
But by controlling every little bit of my life, I am now making it IMPOSSIBLE to grow and to get more results.
Because if you have a BIG business and a BIG life. You CAN’T be in control. Because SO much is happening that you have no control OVER.
And you just CAN’T create MAGIC with your mind. Only by fully surrendering to God and life itself TRUE Magic is possible.
So I said to Mr. Hunkey: “I am playing with the concept of surrendering.”
He thought that was kind of vague haha. He obviously hadn’t read my blog haha.
We chatted about a little bit more about surrender and trust, and then I went for my daily walk.
And it was still there: peace.
The knowingness that it was perfectly ok now for me to fully and completely surrender to everything that life brings on my path. Because God is taking care of me.
AND at the same time STILL being LASER FOCUSED on what I want to create. The WHAT is up to me, the HOW is up to God.
I feel nothing but trust that God brings on my path precisely what I need to experience to get exactly what I desire.
And I just trust him now.
I trust life.
AND I trust myself.
Can you even imagine, what BIG a shift that is for me?
Thursday I am starting my next program: Soul Connection, Healing, and Alignment Program for amazing energetic shifts and powerful creations.
One of the Visualisations we will do is the exercise God guided me through to come into a total state of surrender. I would LOVE to share it with you so you can experience it too!
I already recorded a Visualization to start with. I’ll give it to you as a bonus. This one helps you to release any blocks you experience. You can listen to it HERE.
This is what Yvonne said about the visualization: “This content is amazing. Truly grateful that you are in my life. I listen to the ‘block’ vaporizer a lot.. poof and it’s gone.”
The Magic ALWAYS happens at a Soul Level.
That is basically what Alignment is: it’s aligning the thoughts and feelings of the human you to your REAL you: your Soul (Or Divine self, source, God, or how you want to call it.)
And when your thoughts, feelings, and energy is Soul Aligned, WOW ….. magic happens…..
It’s ALL about going deeper and deeper into that next level, and the results will be even MORE magical.
So check the program out HERE.
We start Tomorrow and prices will double by the end of this day.
— I help powerful creators, creative entrepreneurs, influencers, coaches, healers, leaders of the new era and everyone who wants to make money just by being themselves to Magically Manifest their life and business.
I teach them to live in accordance with the universal laws of Creation to effortlessly attract more clients, more money, more creativity and above all more freedom, connection to source, flow, fun, ease, and love.
Often they feel they want to do things in their own way and break out of all the boxes society has created for them. Somewhere deep down they feel they are meant for greatness and I help them to discover and express that greatness within them AND make money doing that.
I helped ten thousands of people really understand manifestation and get amazing results. You can get access to my FREE online program: The ULTIMATE Manifesting program HERE.
(PS: Would you rather follow me in Dutch? Dat is ook mogelijk! Vraag HIER mijn Nederlandse cadeau bundel aan met onder andere het geld manifestatie dagboek en de gratis trainingen: “In 10 stappen naar je volgende gelddoorbraak” en “Geld verdienen door jezelf te zijn.”