Yes, I have OFFICIALLY moved on haha. Confused? Things move QUICKLY in Maartje-land haha.
I guess I AM still that master creator haha.
Let me explain what happened:
So after I sent out my blog yesterday, I finally answered all my emails haha. But I felt tired, and I felt I needed some me-time to really reconnect with myself again and get some of my energy back. So I went for a long, LONG walk.
So in the beginning, I was just walking, trying to get grounded and connected to ME again.
After walking for 30 minutes, I lay down in the sun on a park bench. I felt the wind and the sun on my skin, and it was JUST what I needed.
I relaxed more and more.
I continued walking, and I began thinking.
This is NOT a healthy situation for me.
Twin flame or no twin flame, what do I even want here?
I felt I NEEDED to get clarity.
This: waiting and letting my outer reality dictate my life, is NOT who I am. It’s also NOT what I believe in OR what I DO in my life.
I felt I was giving ALL my power away by “waiting.” I really got a little mad at myself for allowing this to happen.
There is a LOT of twin flame information out there, and I really felt I had to just let it all go and follow MY own intuition.
I continued thinking:
This is NOT a “normal” and “healthy” thing. To just “wait around” for someone to choose you or not choose you?
I thought: if a twin is my mirror self then that doesn’t make sense, because I would never DO that.
It’s just NOT how I usually create.
If I WANT something, I just GO for it. No matter what it takes and how long it takes OR until I decide it’s NO longer what I WANT.
I also can’t see any other parts of my life that he would be mirroring with this behavior. Yes, sometimes I procrastinate, but eventually I always just GO for it, and I am ALWAYS being honest with myself about what I desire. AND I Am also as honest as possible with other people, and I don’t shy away from confrontations.
And this “waiting” around, giving him space? I also just don’t DO that.
I TRIGGER my clients with my blogs. I PUSH them in a transformation by opening up and my willingness to look at EVERYTHING.
Can you imagine if I would do that with you guys? Or with creating my own life? We would never GET anywhere.
Everything inside me felt: I need to get clarity NOW.
I NEED to know where he is at.
I NEED to move on, with or without him.
So I poured out my heart and soul and sent him an email.
I still thought he was at the same place as I was when I emailed him.
I thought I was right in the connection and that he was still coming back.
But he emailed me back that he is just really connected with his girlfriend and he is genuinely happy now.
I was waking up from a nap when I read his email.
I thought I imagined it and I put down my phone. I thought: “No, still don’t get it and still don’t believe it.”
I turned on my other side and tried to fall back asleep. But suddenly I felt something shifting deep insight me.
I wasn’t sad about it.
I actually felt a big relief.
I suddenly felt the truth behind it. I KNEW he was speaking the truth.
I still couldn’t quite grasp it with my mind, but something about it felt RIGHT.
And I realized:
OF COURSE, he is not my twin.
Because I am ready for love NOW (Well, maybe I need a little time to recover haha, but really, really soon. I can shift pretty quickly as you know 🙂 )
I DO fully love myself! yes, there is always more self-work to do, but I am in a really good place in my life.
He distracted me from my mission, not added to it.
And suddenly I could also see all the other stuff that was just “off.”
AND, I suddenly saw that I already got a REALLY clear sign from MY OWN intuition that he was not the one.
When I was trying to figure out if he was my true twin flame or not, the story of Amy’s birth kept popping into my head. Before I gave birth to Amy, I had a false labor 2 times. I called the obstetrician twice, and both times she concluded that it was false labor. (Now that I think about it, I was obsessively googling then TOO to find out how being in labor would feel haha)
When I was REALLY in labor, I instantly KNEW. I thought: OMG, I can’t even imagine that I thought the other 2 times I was really in labor. There was NO doubt that I was indeed going into labor at that time.
And I thought once before that I had met my twin (I figured out really quickly than that it wasn’t him, it was a different story, but I DID think it.)
So I thought: I already HAD a “false twin” so this must be the real deal because that’s what I read on the internet.
Haha, SO funny. ALWAYS follow your intuition instead of google. Lol.
This story popping up in my head time after time meant: You get 2 “false” twins before you meet the “right” one. Just like you had 2 false labors, before going into “real” labor.
Funny also that it is called “false” labor and “false” twin. The Universe COULDN’T have communicated it any more clear haha. I just couldn’t quite connect the dots yet or WANTED to connect the dots yet 🙂
I always thought and felt that meeting my twin flame would be instant recognition. That wasn’t the case with him. I thought: well, I probably was wrong about it.
I just wanted it SO bad that I just projected a story onto him instead of following the signs my intuition gave to me.
And I just projected all my love on him. And of course, that felt good to him. And there definitely WAS an amazing resonance and a connection there. But it was maybe 80% and not 100%!
But ALL that love that I projected onto him, is INSIDE of ME. I can experience that ANYTIME I want!
And it is also a reassuring thought: If I can create something THIS good with someone who is NOT my twin flame, imagine how amazing it will be when I meet the REAL one haha.
And I GET that the twin flame journey is also challenging (you have read my blogs haha), but I DO believe that my twin will ADD to my life and NEVER will take from my energy and happiness. And will NEVER ever be disrespectful to me on ANY level. Because I am also NOT that person.
It’s funny to see how you can let yourself get sucked into a negative energy stream. But you know: there is ALWAYS more space and more YOU on the other side!
When I pulled myself away from the negative energy field I connected with, I INSTANTLY felt SO much better.
I STILL believe we create our own reality. And this is NOT the reality I want to create on a twin flame journey.
That “waiting around.”
Only healing yourself and he “comes” whenever you healed enough? I GET the thought, but for me, it feels really limiting. I want to create TOGETHER with someone. And I just want somebody who feels the same way and who has the same desire.
I want to have a partner that is 100% with me, EVERY step of the way.
I want someone that wants EXACTLY the same thing as I do and is on the same level.
I want someone that also lives his life fearlessly.
NOT to “run away” when things get a little hard.
Maybe I DID run away from myself for a little while with being ok with him not fully committing to me. And wanting ALL this validation from me and not being ALL IN himself.
But now I KNOW that that is just not OK for me.
That just doesn’t work for me. I learned that now. I put up new boundaries.
So that is something that I will never tolerate in a relationship ever again.
And sure, you can say it is ALL for the “greater good” and raising the vibration of the earth. But my vibration DIDN’T rise the last couple of weeks. Well, it DID haha, but that was not because of HIM (Well, maybe because of him rejecting me haha.)
It was because I was doing the work to learn from this experience and try to figure out what was or wasn’t aligned.
And a partnership should be 50/50. Or actually 100/100. You BOTH have to give it your ALL, ALL of the time.
It’s the same with my Souls Purpose. Of course, I can get distracted. You saw that the last couple of weeks. But I was still IN it the BEST I could. I NEVER RAN AWAY.
So in the last blog, I said: I don’t know when I will get my power back haha. Well, it turned out that it would be a couple of hours later.
OMG, you guys haha.
This was really a wild ride.
It taught me a LOT.
I guess that when I DO meet my twin flame, that I am AMAZINGLY well prepared now haha. We can skip a LOT of the drama and just start creating together.
You know, I am SO thankful that I shared it all with you these last couple of weeks. I think normally I wouldn’t share a process while I am still IN it. But I hope you saw that it is 100% ok to go through something and NOT let it affect your self-worth (well, sort of haha.)
I DO feel it’s time we start to fully love ourselves not in spite of the stuff we go through, but BECAUSE of it.
I am FREAKING proud that I went through it the way I went through it. I didn’t walk away, I went DEEP and I truly surrendered to everything and every feeling that came along. And I think I went through this pretty quickly 🙂
I see people staying in this “twin flame void” for months or YEARS sometimes.
I AM glad that I am where I am now. It was enlightening, but not always easy haha.
So, what’s the next step?
I just continue with my living my purpose and my life, enjoying my friends and family and my daughter. Focus on making money and just helping people to shift their reality.
I know I will meet him soon enough. So I just enjoy my single life for a little while, or for as long as it takes. I AM a pretty good creator haha, so my feeling is: it’s not going to take that long.
But I am NOT going on dates unless I think (or KNOW) he is “the one.” REALLY not interested in investing my time and energy unless he’s everything I know is possible for me. And I have a REALLY clear picture now 🙂
PS: Next week I am hosting a FREE training on Manifestation in English AND in Dutch on the topic: “How to magnetically pull in everything and everyone you desire.”
Manifesting is ALL about energy and becoming MAGNETIC.
Let go of working hard!
Let go of DOING a LOT and never really getting where you want to be.
It’s about connection and surrender!
In this free training, I am going to teach you ALL about 5D manifesting and pulling it completely into the 3D.
It’s going to be AMAZING.
This training WILL be recorded en you WILL receive the replay after signing up, but I am going to share something REALLY special if you are there live, so DON’t miss it!
You can sign up for the English training HERE (Wednesday, February 20th 8 PM Amsterdam time CET)
You can sign up to attend this training in Dutch HERE (Tuesday, February 19th 8 PM Amsterdam time CET)
PS 2: In the meantime, have you already gone through THE FREE Ultimate Manifesting program? You can get access HERE.